How to Support your 3 - 6-Year-Old Child
/Last week we dove deep into how a three to six-year-old brain operates. This fascinating period also comes with its own challenges.
Through writing that post, it became apparent that there was more to discuss than neatly fit in one post. Similar to the Unconscious Mind post and its follow-up, Adult Modeling, it seemed appropriate to expand.
Children love being a part of their environment. Especially during the Conscious Mind phase, they work toward mastering their environment and gaining independence.
Behaviors (aka Developing Will)
“Terrible Twos.” “Threenager.” “Sassy Sixes.” We’ve all uttered at least one of these under our breath in our weaker moments.
Yes, as fun as it can be to observe a Conscious Mind’s emerging desire to pursue learning, it has its challenges.
This age group (in addition to two-year-olds) often receives a bad rap.
A child in this phase can be seen as willfully defiant, stubborn, fiercely independent, and more. But of course, there’s a reason behind this. The more we adults can understand the underlying root of the behavior, the more we can meet our child where she’s at.
No young child wants to go through her youth fighting against unfair stereotypes.
She wants to exert control and selection over her experiences and her environment. Remember, she is no longer your passive observer. She is becoming an active participant in the learning process.
This can be frustrating for adults. After all, she’s been watching and observing for the better part of three years. But now she’s ready to be a part of the process, not just an observer.
Behaviors crop up when an adult’s will gets in the way of the child’s will. If not given the ability to participate, she will react.
The best thing adults can do is to recognize this age for what it is: It’s a beautiful emergence of a child’s personality. And we adults still have the ability to nurture and guide that growth. This is still the Absorbent Mind.
Through loving modeling and guidance, a child will have the opportunity to find her place in the environment while also experiencing great examples guiding her through this process of discovery.
The Conscious Mind period comes with its own unique set of obstacles (for the adult and the child), and we know it.
We’re here to support parents (as well as remind ourselves). Our goal, along with parents, is to provide a peaceful, nurturing environment for our children. So, without further ado, here are a few easy-to-implement strategies that we use.
Helping Your Child Be Independent
Now for the nitty-gritty. What does this look like daily? Last week we talked about practical ways adults can model behaviors for children. That all applies very much to any age child.
Specifically, though, a Conscious Mind child appreciates opportunities to do things for herself. Adults can best supply this by preparing the environment with appropriate and accessible choices. She wants to master her environment. So we get to make her environment masterable...offering our assistance minimally or on request.
A few ideas:
Make her drawers accessible.
She will at times enjoy helping fold (and put away) her own laundry (as hard as that may be to believe). Will it be Kondo-neat? Absolutely not! But remember, it’s the process, not the product. She will likely also want to choose her own clothes. Doesn’t match? No problem! This is all part of her discovering for herself what she likes and who she is. Our role as the adult is to support and guide.
Allow her to get herself dressed.
Similarly to the previous tip, she wants to know that she can play a part in taking care of herself. Even if this means letting her put her shirt on backward, we need to allow her the chance to feel successful in this endeavor.
Have her pour her own drink.
This isn’t always possible because many drinks are too heavy. The adult’s job though is to prepare the environment. One idea would be pre-pouring milk into a smaller, child-friendly pitcher so she can get it and pour it herself.
Let her make her own lunch.
The sooner we adults brave this process, the sooner we’ll have a confident, independent child on our hands! The mess will be significant in the beginning. But the child’s delight in a sandwich she prepared herself will make it worth it.
Let her choose the sequence of events in a task.
There are some things that are simply non-negotiable in a child’s life: bedtime, daily routines/schedules, wearing clothes in public. But that doesn’t mean she can’t have some control over how those things occur. To avoid bedtime struggles, offer choices that give her power. “Do you want to clean up first or brush teeth? Do you want to wear your yellow jammies or blue?”
Provide furniture (and materials) for her size.
When a child can reach and manipulate her environment, she gains confidence and independence. Find ways to place her life on her level. Can she reach her own dishes? Is there a table space that’s her height where she can snack or work without assistance? Can she use the toilet and wash her hands independently? Considering her needs as you look around your house can have a tremendous impact on how she views herself as a member of your household.
Possibly the best solution in overcoming the stereotypical “difficult child” is patiently enjoying the process of her personality forming. Easier said than done sometimes, yes. But when we can step back and gain a big-picture perspective, these are magical years that form the foundation for who this child will become.
“Who knew that parenting would become an almost spiritual journey? And what a journey it is. Sometimes I wish I had known all of this before I became a parent. Yet, we only know what we know. So I think of how I’ve grown up alongside my children - that they see me trying and getting it wrong and trying again and getting a bit better, constantly learning and growing.”